Hash Helped Me Heal
Art By Rebekah Jenks
I remember the day I was sitting in my therapist’s office when I said, “I feel like he’s emotionally abusive. I don’t know if that’s a thing, but that’s what it feels like.” My therapist stopped and looked at me, eyes wide open. The next words out of her mouth hit me in the gut. “That’s because he is. And he will never change.” That was the proverbial “Aha Moment” for me. She then went on to show me the Power and Control Wheel. She explained that oftentimes, people who are emotionally abusive can resort to physical violence, and that’s what I was dealing with. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of a domestic violence incident. I knew I had to make a decision. Something needed to change. I needed my children to know that this was not a normal or healthy relationship, and I also needed to be in a better place. Mentally, I was not prepared for what unfolded.
My divorce proceedings lasted two years. Therapy was the only thing keeping me together during the process, aside from my family. I was too scared to try anything illegal, and I didn’t want to take any sort of prescription. My anxiety was through the roof. I didn’t sleep much, and I took to alcohol as a way to help relax.
The Diagnosis
Once very active, I began having shoulder discomfort during a yoga training session. Doing push-ups or planks became impossible, as I would simply crumble, unable to support my body weight. I tried everything I could think of to alleviate the symptoms - chiropractor, massage, acupuncture, cupping - you name it. Finally, my chiropractor sent me to an orthopedic doctor and he took x-rays of my neck and shoulder. “It’s not your shoulder.”, he said. “It’s your neck.” The curve of my cervical spine was backwards. Instead of the normal lordotic curve of the neck, mine was considered abnormal, or kyphotic. Disks C-5, 6, and 7 had degenerated, compressing a nerve that was causing the shoulder discomfort, which had begun radiating down my right arm into a burning, searing pain, with numbness in my first two fingers. I was in agony, depressed, and miserable.
The doctor said I should strongly consider getting a new career. I was about to be a single mom with no child support, and my doctor was telling me I needed to find a different career. Sure, no sweat. I’ve only poured my heart into dental hygiene for the past 18 years, not to mention the time it took to get my degree and license. He began discussing a treatment plan of physical therapy, chiropractic care, and long term pain management. I had been taking the pain medications the doctor gave me initially, and I knew I did not want to rely on these medications for any length of time. I still am not sure how I managed to function and go to work each day. My sleep was worse than ever, and the pain medications did little to help with the discomfort.
Treatment
Physical therapy helped immensely. My physical therapist explained that a person’s body does not know the difference between physical pain and emotional pain, and in fact, that all of the stress I had been under for the past several years had accumulated in my body as inflammation. A lot of the exercises she gave me were very similar to yoga poses and breathwork, so I dove into learning more about yoga therapy. It was fascinating to see how breath and movement, when linked strategically, can produce certain, specific effects.
I went on to study over 1000 hours of yoga and yoga therapy, an amazing and therapeutic experience. However, I still did not feel like I had the ability to help anyone. I was still dealing with so much physical and emotional pain myself. My stress had not lifted, I was gaining weight. I hired a trainer who put me on a strict diet and exercise program. After 3 months, I had not really gotten the results I wanted, and my trainer recommended getting my hormones checked.
I knew I was too young for menopause, but I did want answers, so I went to the doctor and had some blood work done. When I got the results back I was shocked that I did indeed have low hormone levels. The doctor put me on bioidentical hormones, and all that did was make things worse. I was sleeping four hours a night, exhausted, and unable to get relief from anything the doctors were giving me. After four months of hormone therapy, I quit taking everything all at once.
I started seeing an Integrated Medicine Doctor who suggested a different approach by eliminating sugar, dairy, corn, gluten, and meat from my diet - anything that may be contributing to inflammation. I became vegan, which is hard to do when you live in a small town. I cooked at home constantly. I was taking so many supplements it was hard to get them all down without getting sick to my stomach. After four months of this with very little changes and a desire to eat burgers and cheese fries, I quit being vegan and taking any supplements.
Enter Cannabis
A friend of mine had been taking CBD and raved about how well it worked for her. She said she slept great after taking a dropper full of tincture. I was skeptical; I tried it in the past, but didn’t feel like it helped. I wanted to learn more, so I began doing research on CBD. I learned about cannabinoids and the endocannabinoid system. I learned about different methods of consumption: tinctures, edibles, topicals, and smokables. My friend and I went to an expo and explored various products and I sampled a piece of candy made with hash rosin, which seemed to have more of an effect on me than anything else I had tried.
Two months later, a subsequent research trip to Colorado led me to discover the cult favorite edibles made by Dialed In Gummies. Made with strain-specific hash rosin, these gummies were tasty and highly effective. I slept for eight hours straight for the first time in years! My friend was not as lucky. She was incredibly sick after eating the exact same gummy. We realized then that we had very different endocannabinoid systems. I recognized that hash seemed to do for me what other extraction methods couldn’t, and I wanted to know anything and everything about this method.
I decided to educate myself on this plant so that I could help others who might be suffering as well. My friend and I talked about opening up our own dispensary, where we could share our knowledge with others, and create a safe, welcoming environment. I knew there was a lot of misinformation out there, and I wanted to learn from industry experts, the OG’s. I started following Frenchy Cannoli and learning about how to make hash by watching his YouTube videos, which led to finding the High Roller series, and eventually I discovered the Ganjier program.
While I was in therapy, I did a lot of EMDR, or Eye Movement and Desensitization Reprocessing. This particular form of psychotherapy helps individuals reframe negative or traumatic events into more positive or less traumatic memories, rewriting the brain to process trauma. During these sessions, I had a recurring vision. I was overlooking a beautiful valley watching the sun set behind grassy mountains from atop a steep hill. I was joined by a beautiful blue bird on my shoulder, chirping away. Here, I felt happy and full of hope, knowing how far I had come. When I went to Humboldt for my Ganjier live training, I saw this same place, and I knew I had found my calling.
Today, I am still able to practice dental hygiene while pursuing my passion for hash. I am currently developing my own cannabis brand and diving into product development. Ever grateful for this magical plant that has changed my life completely.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), approximately “1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence."
