No one expects a marriage to survive for decades without outside help, so why do we expect business partners to survive without it? As a society, we’ve come a very long way in accepting counseling for all sorts of problems. Mental healthcare isn’t nearly as stigmatized as it was 20, or even 30 years ago. Many people feel comfortable publicly acknowledging that they’re working with a mental health professional. Business partners face many of the same problems as marriage partners, but too often they don’t feel comfortable seeking help from a neutral third party, or worse, they don’t even know it’s an option.
Shared Foundations: Vision and Communication
Just like marriage partners, business partners need shared values, trust, and effective communication in order to remain partners. Partners of any kind who can’t align on where they want to be in five years will not thrive as a couple. Both marriage partners and business partners face common challenges, such as finances, division of responsibilities, and who to trust.
A common mistake that couples make is assuming that they’re aligned on one topic because they’re aligned on other topics. It’s always better to talk about specific issues rather than assuming alignment is present. Of course, ignoring them until there’s a blow-up is a poor strategy that makes resolution harder. Counselors and mediators agree that alignment is not found through silence.
Common Conflicts: Chores, Copy Paper, and the Silent Treatment
A common problem in business is one partner who feels that she is doing an unfair amount of work compared to her partner. If she raises the issue and sees no improvement, the partnership is unlikely to survive. This is very similar to a wife who feels like she does the lion’s share of the household chores, which is a common culprit in divorces.
Similarly, when partners stop talking about the hard stuff, one will usually assume that everything is fine while the other quietly grows resentful. Eventually, there’s a blow-up over something minor like whether the dishwasher should be emptied or whether it’s time to buy more copy paper.
Partnerships tend to work best when they’re comprised of just two people. When outsiders try to force a way in (be they in-laws, investors, exes, or outside advisors), the partnership will feel crowded, and it’s easy for one partner to turn on another.
The Role of Mediation: Problem Solving vs. Healing
When business partners can’t see eye to eye, a mediator can help them create alignment. A neutral third party can help the couple to find a resolution through a structured communication process. Similar to therapy, everyone will get to speak their piece and have an opportunity to respond. The mediator will make a list of all the issues requiring resolution. Once that’s done, they’ll facilitate a civil discussion to build a path forward. This can happen in a single session or several sessions. Some mediators will devote an entire day or more to resolving an issue. The deciding factor is what the couple can handle.
There’s one significant difference between mediation and therapy. Mediation is about finding a solution to nagging problems, whereas therapy is about healing. If either party is looking for a way to cope with trauma, then a therapist is the better choice.
A therapist will encourage their client to talk about their mother or the emotional connection they share with a pet. Unless they’re also employees, there’s not much reason to discuss those in a mediation session. When participants veer off-topic, a seasoned mediator will invite them back to the matter at hand.
In many cases, partnerships don’t fail because people stop caring; they fail because they stop communicating. Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness, and neither is mediation. Both are tools for resilience. Business partners who want their business to survive for decades should open up to the idea of using a neutral third party. Too often, business partners wait until the last possible moment to utilize mediation. Prevention is cheaper and less painful than a crisis response. Schedule a session when things start to feel strained, don’t wait until there’s a catastrophe.
About the Author
Bethany Niebauer is the Business and Mediation Columnist for Fat Nugs Magazine and the founder of Axial Resolutions, a mediation firm specializing in dispute resolution for the cannabis industry. With a decade of experience in the cannabis space, she writes about the evolving business and regulatory landscape.
